So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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