i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
yeah, it was that bad.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences In Dating Men And Women
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.