literally had 100 drinks last night.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
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he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
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he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.