This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.