I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days