I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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