your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I love having hate sex.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
