We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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