I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
