About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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