ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
