what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
