Those balls look pretty dangerous.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
