Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
