Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
