Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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