the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
