You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
