There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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