I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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