If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
