So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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