Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
