Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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