ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
