guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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