Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
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Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
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I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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