last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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