I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize