I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
