I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
