I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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