so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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