Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You're like the curious george of whores
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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