Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
