I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
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I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
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We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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