Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
