Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize