new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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