I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight