dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
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I understand Curling. That high.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
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Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP