apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?