I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful