he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?