May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
