Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
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I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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