So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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