No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
