walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
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i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
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Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I still have a little drunk in my system
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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