My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
