toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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