I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
