It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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