I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
