Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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