the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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