What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
