can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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