Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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