I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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