i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
