I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
