he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
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RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
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I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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