this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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