my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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