I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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