Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
babies were throwing up all over the place
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
