party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You almost got us killed.
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