Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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