Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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