He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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